Rage and love, the story of my life...

So I'm definitely sitting in Morrill Tower right now. Yes, that's right, I'm working the illustrious midnight shift (11pm-7am). It's great, let me tell you...
I'm sitting here listening to Imogen Heap and just thinking, which is never good for me at 1:30 in the morning. Kiley and Erin just left, and for some reason seeing them got me thinking... high school seems like so long ago.
And it's only been a year.
And it's only been a couple of weeks since my freshman year of college ended.
Crazy.
This job has definitely been helping me gain my independence back. I feel so different, even different than I felt just a few weeks ago. I really have been wasting so much time, and now I feel I'm really healing. Summer always helps me to do that.
Ok, I'm just ranting since it's so early.
But I hope that I keep changing, that I keep growing. Because that's what life is about.
I just can't believe it's been a year since I started this whole college process. A year since I met Josh and said goodbye to my friends when I left for Kent. I feel a lot more sure of myself now than I did then.
I guess we'll see what comes of all this after the summer's over, if I can keep the momentum going.
I hope so. :-)
OK, off to sit at the desk and stare at the wall, wooo!

Alright, today everyone is busy busy busy!
...except for me.
We have about 24 conferences checking in today (something like that), and everyone is working today. Including me. Except I have commons shift (thank god) which means I basically just stand there and point people to where they need to go in the dining commons. I know, SO HARD.
Which means that now, in-between my breakfast and dinner shifts, I am sitting here listening to Umbrella over and over again. Everyone is at work, what else is there to do, lol?
The summer is going well so far, and it's already felt like I've been here longer than a week. I'm glad I feel so comfortable with the staff, everyone's pretty cool. I mean, working 5 million hours isn't even bothering me, which is funny. Probably because it's summer and there's nothing else to do anyway.
In other news, I've been sitting around trying to figure out what kind of social work I want to get into. And I still don't know. I'm supposed to volunteer in the fall at an agency that does work that I'm interested in. But I have no idea what that will be yet. Right now I'm thinking the Columbus AIDS Task Force, but that could change. We'll have to see, I have plenty of time to contemplate some more I suppose.
And something surprising happened the other day... THE COUNSELING OFFICE CALLED BACK.
...it's been more than a month.
And I don't need it anymore, I've worked a lot of things out on my own. So that's good I suppose.
Besides these things, life has been pretty uneventful. Just hanging out and working. Hopefully I get to see some of my high school friends soon, like Abbie, Kiley, the Amandas, and Ksenia. And Leanna as well. I guess we've all just been pretty busy working.
And I've been busy reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell in my free time. Which I must say is really interesting, it's about the split decisions we make and how they are a lot of times more sensible than rational decisions.
Yeah, I'm a dork.
Alright, I'm gonna go work commons now...

<3 Phil

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."
-Henry Ellis

OMG WRESTLERS! Wooooooooo, CONFERENCE SERVICES!!!!
    Ok, maybe I'm not quite that excited...
    But my first day did go pretty well. We checked in the first conference today (a wrestling camp) and got them all crammed into Haverfield (which btw is a crappy dorm). Anyways, we have training 1-5 tomorrow, but that's it. A pretty light day if I do say so myself.
    And I have Friday off, so Josh and I are going to go back to my house Thursday night and all of Friday and visit. Should be interesting, I'm glad my parents are so eager to see him, it makes me happy that they support our relationship, even in all its complexity.
    In other news, I got a sunburn in the shape of my sandals today while I sat outside for commencement. Bill Clinton was an AMAZING speaker, and I'm so glad I got the chance to hear him in person. He really knows what he's talking about when it comes to interdependence and the global state of affairs today. K-Ho did the usual "president of a university" speech, and Carmen Ohio was pretty rousing. I can't believe that will be me in 3 years. I'm sure it'll fly by.
    And I'll be an adult.
    Interesting.
    Alright, off to bed with me, laterz!

    <3

    Wow, this is insane.
    I'm just sitting here in my room alone (since my roommate has already packed up and left) and just thinking back on this entire year. It's insane. 35 weeks of school just done, like that. I had an EXTENDED freshman year and I'm still in awe that it's over. A year ago seems like so long ago and like just yesterday at the same time...
    From home to Kent to OSU, I have met a lot of people who have impacted my life and made me who I am today. I am so thankful for my close friends here (Andrea, Leanna, Kathy, Greg) and for my family and God for just watching out for me and helping me to finally stand on my own two feet. It's been hard to realize what's been wrong with me lately, but I feel like I'm starting to grasp what was missing in my life.
    And what was missing? Purpose. I basically fumbled through this whole year. And you know what? I should forgive myself for that. Because everyone screws up at one time or another. We're all human, and I should include myself in that equation. I am not perfect and shouldn't expect myself to be.
    But at the same time, I should have expectations for myself. I should strive to build a career that suits my interests and passions, and not someone else's. I should watch out for my own happiness and be assertive in doing so. I should be with someone and KNOW that our relationship is strong, not just assume. I should respect myself and forgive myself when I don't quite live up to this ideal that I have.
    And I should live without regret.
    I can't believe it's taken so much time to figure this out.
    I used to think that life was a series of revolutions, that one day I would just wake up and be the man I so desperately wanted to be. But I've come to realize that takes a lifetime to build. And no one ever reaches that pedestal of perfection. We can only draw near.
    But I won't ever give up on my ideals. Not anymore. I have everything I've wanted in clear sight. I can't afford to stray from that again at least.
    And as everyone leaves for the summer, I realize that I really am growing up. That another year has passed and I'm another year closer to being a true adult.
    I'm just glad I have something to live for now.
    I promise my next post won't be emo, lol...

    <3 Phil

"Resolve that whatever you do, you will bring the whole man to it; that you will fling the whole weight of your being into it."
-Orison Scott Marden

    Alright, so I've tried every other blogging site and hate them all. Time to give LiveJournal a try!
    So, what's new in my life? I figure I should chronicle my life over the summer, considering I'm working for Conference Services at OSU, which should be interesting and full of fun stories.
    And this summer is going to be a time of self-reflection I'm sure.
    This last quarter just sucked.
    Hence my bad grades and general low self-esteem until the last two weeks or so. But enough about that, I'm sure I'll get to that as I go through the summer. I have a lot of things I really need to confront about myself.                 Hopefully it doesn't get too emo...
    So right now I'm hanging out with Leanna and Andrea, who are luckily still here since it's the illustrious "Finals Week". In other words, EVERYONE is going to be gone by tomorrow night. I know, lame. I have to wait until Friday evening to move out, by which time literally everyone will be gone. Not just kind of everyone.
    Oh well. Sitting around is always fun, lol.
    The only other new piece of news I have right now is that Josh and I are back together, which is a really good thing. I realize now, after two months of space, that what we had before just wasn't what I wanted. And now a lot has changed, and it's better. It'll never be perfect, and it'll never *magically* fix all of my problems. I should never have expected a relationship to do anything like that.
    So hopefully this will be an eventful summer... my life is always eventful in some way or other, lol. Like the doctor thinking I had mono today. Things like that. :-)
    Alright, I'm gonna go pick my nose or something now. I'm sure I'll post more later!

<3 Phil

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
 -Dr. Seuss